Hi, my name is Senator Jacqui Lambie and I wanted to inform you of a very serious development in our fight against the ISIS terrorists. Now, some people say that I am bat-shit crazy or bat-shit stupid. I say to those haters that actually, I am bat-shit REAL. That’s the problem; many people can’t handle the truth. Just like Jack Nicolson said to the male nurse Tom Cruise in the movie ‘One flew over the cuckoo nest’, “You can’t handle the truth.” So, I tell how it is and if you can’t handle that, go back to your big books and big words and leave fighting terror to those of us who are pretty sure of what we are doing.

We now know ASIO has just confirmed that when the “burqa ban” is enforced, ISIS terrorist will switch from the burqa disguise to a clown disguise. This is why I will be pushing for legislation to ban clown faces. But until then, Australians need to be on guard. Members of the ISIS terror cells will pose as lovable clowns in order to infiltrate and destroy our freedom and democracy. They may have actually even started so you need to become vigilante and aware of which clowns you can trust and which clowns you need to condemn and sick the mob on to. Even if you just have a mild concern or vague distrust, it’s better to judge and persecute first and ask questions later, just in case.

So here are 11 clues that reveal the lovable clown you have hired for your kids’ birthday, May in fact, be your worst terrorist nightmare.

1. Their clowns’ name is Mouhamed or “The Jester of Jihad”.
2. They look eerily like the clown from Stephen Kings “It”.
3. The piñata they use looks like an effigy of Obama.
4. They don’t do balloon animals, only balloon rocket launchers.
5. The show stops and then they bow while they pray facing Mecca, in a language that is not familiar to Australians.
6. They only accept cash or bitcoin.
7. In their bag of tricks, you can see that they have blueprints for large public buildings.
8. They get fidgety when you tell them your husband is a police officer.
9. They refuse the bacon sandwich you offer them.
10. They speak in a weird foreign language with lots of back-of-the-throat sounds. Again, definitely not Australian.
11. You hear them mention on their mobile during the break “Operation suburban destruction is a go”.

Please we implore you to be suspicious and paranoid about any clown you encounter. In fact, any Muslim or someone that looks like he or she could be a Muslim. As, without you even knowing, they could be planning to behead you and your family in the next 15 minutes. It’s every Australian’s duty to be fearful of anything we don’t know or understand, as we all know scary things are scary for a reason, even if you don’t know what that reason is. Even while I am just writing that sentence, I am scared already. I should be scared and so should you.

With you in the fight against clown terror.

 Senator Jacqui Lambie 

Example of what you should look out for…