Kirk Cameron once again saves Christmas from all those not-white, not-Christian people hell bent I destroying fun, baby Jesus and Santa.  

By E.F Nicholson

Kirk Cameron is a former child star of the 80s schmaltzy sitcom of “Growing Pain.” Luckily for humanity, he has once again stepped up to the plate and made a stand on an issue that is impacting us all. Cameron has made a movie that inspires its audience to fight for the most critical issue of our time.

You’re probably scratching your head and wondering “What could it be? Climate change?  Nuclear disarmament? Income inequality? Well, you would be wrong, wrong and wrong again. As the issue that is so dear to his tiny, tiny brain is “The War on Christmas.” “Is there a war on Christmas?” you ask, according to this film you betcha. It’s a war that is committed to crushing everything that  is dear to an American’s bible belt of evangelic WASPs .The war on Christmas puts baby Jesus and Santa on the alter to be sacrificed by demon gods of tolerance and things that are not like them. Resulting in the total destruction of all the festive fun times. (Also with the added fear the Easter bunny will be next).

You could have even been involved in participating in this war and you may not even know it. Ever said “Happy holidays? Or “Festive greeting”, instead of saying “Merry fucking Christmas?” Well, too late for you, as far as Cameron is concerned, you have already descended to the dark side, with the only hope of escape being somehow related to Jesus and being dumb.

“Just thinking about the rapture Coops and how awesome to will be when I ascend to heaven and you burn in the part of hell that god sends gays to”

It’s a movie that, I would be willing to bet both my kidneys, is so shitty, manipulative and cringle worthy that unless you are a committed born-again Christain, you will not be able to sit all the way through it. Cameron passionately channels all the skills he never had as a child actor to create a brilliant cinematic piece of right-wing imaginary victimhood. The premise of the movie is Cameron on a crusade to fight and save Christmas from Jews, Muslims and any other non-white Christians. Cameron wants to balance out all the Santa centred orgy of mass consumption, by reminding us what Christmas really is all about, which is Baby Jesus who was Santa’s first born child.

The born-again  right in the US genuinely do feel like they are victims. They seem to equate others “not doing what they do” and “not saying what they say”, as others trying to stop them in “what they do”. Fox News pretty much on cue, every year, stirs the fires of discord and reminds all those stupid enough to watch it, that Christmas is being stolen. Fox news alarms the public that before you know it, it won’t be Santa’s knee that your kids sit on, rather it will on by Multi-denominational, cross cultural hermaphrodite with a beard, who sports a rainbow sash and looks like Osama Bin Laden. Yet what is even more menacing and scary is the fact that if you’re not careful, you could end up with a “Black Santa”.

As it’s not enough that there are 40 million people in the US who are born-again Christians. They all can hang out and ensure they never get exposed to a reality that has some correlation to reality. No. They want all the non-white Christians to “respect their tradition’s” which means “Do as we do or shut up”. The idea of bringing in a mix of other cultures and traditions to compliment or add to Christmas is just abhorrent for them. As far as Cameron is concerned, inclusion means destruction. Also the idea of being sensitive to other cultural traditions in a society that is quite multi-cultural, is at minimum, just some basic respect.

Evolution didn’t make a croc-duck therefore God must exist. Makes total sense if it wasn’t for the fact I have a pet croc-duck.

Yet Cameron is fighting a totally imaginary war, with imaginary villains and mostly themselves, as the imaginary victims. Christmas, in the US, is by and largewidely celebrated as it always has been, except now people bury themselves further in debt to pay for it. There is so much money involved that we will never be allowed to forget what Christmas is about, or what it isn’t about which is “not buying things.” Yet Cameron densely yearns for the golden years back in the 1950s when kids respected their parents, people went to mass on Sunday. Also the time when rampant sexual and physical abuse of children occurred without punishment. A time when racism was even worse than it is today. Ahh those golden years.

There are, in fact, many things in the world that need saving. The first thing that comes to mind is the continued existence of humanity, as global warming ascends into irreversible Armageddon levels. Or saving millions from a life of debt peonage, or what about saving billions who are born into abject and inescapable poverty, the list goes on.

Cameron’s movie is another annoying tune played on the fiddle while Rome burns.  It’s a vain and irresponsible bullshit that is distracting people from things that really do matter. I have no doubt they really think it’s a big problem. What they don’t see is whilst they are guarding their precious Christian sandcastle, a tsunami approaches that will also, in fact, destroy Christmas. Not through the inclusion of other cultures but through ominous reality of humans no longer existing. Kirk Cameron, you are, without a shadow of doubt, to take a term that’s often used in my home country of Australia; a complete wanker.