2014’s “Biggest Moron” is revealed.
By E.F Nicholson
Choosing who to crown as the “2014’s Biggest Moron″ is not an easy task. There so many morons that, through their acts of idiocy and overall stupidity, make themselves all worth contenders. I have profiled the winner below, runner up and a few notable mentions.
Winner : Boy Scout leader Glen Taylor.
The person I have crowned as “King of Morons 2014″ is Boy Scout leader Glen Taylor. Just being in the Boy Scouts after the age of 15 already adds points to you dumbness. This is the guy who knocked over a 200 million year boulder called a Goblin in Utah’s Goblin Valley State Park. To the backdrop of his friends singing “wiggle it, just a little bit” Glen did as they suggested. He wiggled it, more than just a little bit and the ancient rock formation came tumbling down. When the authorities saw this he was charged and given a 1 year probation that seems way too light. Karmic justice may have been well served if the boulder had fallen the other way. This is a guy that you can’t help thinking will end up winning a Darwin award come 2020. His disregard of natural wonders, coupled with his infantile humour, make him a worthy King Moron. Yet his real stupidly comes from allowing a video of his heroic feat to be posted on YouTube. Not only did it clock up a suspended sentence but it put in dire jeopardy the class action claim he had filed that he was permanently disabled. That’s right, Glen “He-Man” Taylor was a claimant in a civil suit where he claimed after an car accident he was barely able to walk. Except of course when a 200 million year boulder had the audacity to challenge his brute strength by sitting there just being its 200 million year-old self. His action gives every grumpy cynic good reason to say: “Its people like him that is the problem with the world”, and that wouldn’t be far wrong.
Of course his dumbness is relatively harmless, unless you have a modicum of respect for nature; but it’s more about what it signifies. The “do anything to get attention” culture that social media has created, encourages many a moron to record their moronic acts and celebrate how utterly fucking dumb they are. For lardass buffoons like Glen Taylor, destroying a natural wonder is just too tempting to resist. It was a perfect storm of dumbassness. It has a video recording, an idiot friend jeering, an object that took 200 million years to take shape and 20 seconds to fuck over, some brute strength but no cerebral brain activity whatsoever. Come on, how could he not do this? Maybe it’s Glen who is the real victim here. After all, he was willing to destroy a natural wonder that up until then had remained standing after 200 million years of everything earth could throw at it. He risked getting fined or put in jail and he totally fucked up his bogus claim of being disabled. All from the jeering of his mates and a desperate need to get a laugh and some attention.
What’s more worrying is that the world is full of more polished, born-into-privilege types, with the exact same mentality. Instead of having disregard for boulders, CEOs like Tony Hayward of BP wipe out whole eco-systems. Then straight afterwards have the temerity and gall to go “yachting” and make statements like “What the hell did we do to deserve this?” So there may be other worthy contenders, but this Glen Taylor really takes the cake. So all hail Glen Taylor, King of Morons, who no doubt will be dethroned next year by an even greater act of breath-taking stupidity.
Runner Up : Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott.
It’s hard to know where to start with Tony Abbott. What makes his stupidly more vile than others is that it has nasty edge to it. His comment about Australia being “uninhabited” before Captain Cook arrived is a good example of his dumb and nasty streak. He has the repulsive combination of being a moron but arrogantly strutting around with sense of entitlement and disregard for the average citizen. Stupidity-wise, you could take his denial of climate change , the fact he thinks the greatest thing he has done for women as PM was getting rid of the carbon tax, and many others. Yet I think the clip below that really captures how dumb this guy really is. This is his how he responds to a question that he seems to struggle to answer, probably because it required him to be honest. You have to wonder, like when George Bush got the news of 9/11, what exactly is going on in his brain as his head just wobbles? As it wobbles and keeps wobbling and crosses that line from funny, to uncomfortable and then to just plain weird. So Tony is more than deserving of the runner’s-up prize in “Biggest Moron of 2014”.
Notable mentions : Senator Jacquie Lambi
Jacqui Lambie is Pauline Hanson 2.0 She is a treasure trove of hilarity with stupid, racist and moronic insights into how to make Australia better. We cover quite a bit on the nature of her dumbness here, here and here. In brief, she was leading the call to ban the burqa on the basis they were public safety issues for kids; how a women wearing a garment covering their face impacted children’s safety was never clearly explained. She claimed China was planning an invasion of Australia, and on public radio she revealed to the world she only liked guys with big dicks and lots of money, but forgot to mention a compatible little brain. We salute Senator Lambie!
Best TEAM of Morons : DBPR’s Amanda Fields, OCSO’s Keith Vidler and their SWAT team.
These two are the Bonnie and Clyde of dumbasses. This crime fighting duo came up with the awesome idea of doing swat-style raids on barber’s shops, to check if their barber’s licence was up to date. As part this secret mission, Amanda Fields actually went into the barber shop one hour prior to the raid to scout for potential Uzi machine-guns hiding under the clippers. She saw in fact they had an up-to-date license on the wall. Yet since everyone was already jacked-up on roids and fitted in their robo-cop gear, it would be a shame to call it off for the boring reason that is was unneeded. Hey fuck it, it’s only tax-payers’ money they are idly squandering to pointlessly harass innocent citizens. So the swat team came crashing into the barber’s shop, masked and with their guns raised; the whole shebang. They put people on the floor, handcuffed them, and did the violent scary shit they do. All for a licence they already knew the owner had. If this is not an exercise in total idiocy I don’t know what is. God bless America!
For more detailed account click here
Dumbest post on Social Media for 2014
Then we have the moron magnets that go by the names of Twitter and Facebook. For a long time, the mind-boggling extent of some people’s stupidity was known only to the unfortunate people around them. In these days of social media, however, the whole world gets to see that you are definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Some comments are so utterly stupid that you can’t help thinking that they are made up. Can people really be that dumb? It seems so at least. What’s worse is that their friends “like” what they say, which means they are equally dumb. I have also added some from the Darwin awards of people who’s dumbness seems to subtract them from evolution.
On a more positive note, when reading these facebook posts and tweets below it’s hard not to feel some sense of smugness that comes from thinking I am definitely intellectually superior to these people. Although the irony isn’t lost on me as I proceed to misspell every third word in every second sentence. If I have missed any stand-out “Dumb-Dumbs”, please let me know